Wednesday 19 May 2010

Phallus uber alles

Have you ever heard of The Monument? Built by Wren, to commemorate the Fire of London? I hadn’t until my dad mentioned it in passing during a tale about his going to see a rugby final at Wembley back in the day. Once I’d heard of it I had to go – it just sounded so weird. A giant, freestanding Doric column? Tucked away near London Bridge? It seemed so unlikely.

Anyway, it was still there and so obviously I had to go to the top. I’m not good with heights but as the ascent was up an enclosed, narrow staircase I thought I’d be alright. This was disproved about half the way up when I suffered a severe dose of the fear caused by a crowd of Italian school children surging around me on their way down. At the top my previously unimpressed wife started to gambol about saying how great it was and cooing at the view. I held grimly onto the hand rail and, with leaden legs, made the one circuit of the viewing platform demanded by my pathetic male pride. You get a little certificate for going to the top.

9 comments:

  1. Yah, it's very nice but curiously uncelebrated. It's called The Monument though (which I always liked, like calling something The Fountain, or The Man On A Horse) and gives its name to the tube stop nearby, which is joined onto Bank tube.

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  2. It’s the uncelebrated bit that prompted me to write about it. When my dad mentioned it I was like, “Hang on a minute..The Monument? What monument?...How tall?”.

    Taller than Nelson’s column and connected to just as big an event in our much vaunted historical pageant. I suppose its location is a bit out of the way. How many other monuments are lurking out there?

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  3. 'A bit out of the way' ??!!! It's right smack dab in the middle of the bloody City man!

    Well done on the ascent though: I've been saying I must do that for years, but haven't.

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  4. London Bridge pretty much represents the easternmost limit of my world - beyond that and I'm definitely exploring. Isn't Charing Cross the centre of the universe?

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  5. I walk right past it most days, as the 521 drops me off on London Bridge. Although I've never been up it yet, If you don't like heights for Gods sake don't do Southwold Lighthouse. It's only half the height of The Monument, but wider. There's internal wall and I think a lower handrail. We tried it last year and never made the halfway mark. Luckily there are plenty of Adnams pubs nearby to have a straightener

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  6. 'Have a straightener' ! That's another Mondo-ism for my phrase book, love it.

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  7. Mondo - you and Davy will have to get together and spur each other on.

    Much as I dislike heights I refuse to back down from a summit. Except at Bircham Windmill - that really freaked me out for some reason.

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  8. Charles - only just noticed my spelling mistake, your comment much less weird now.

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  9. Yeah, was going to point it out in order to make me look less of a weirdo in your comments box but fear of appearing overly pedantic stopped me. Such are the personality choices available....

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